What you do with your bike in the privacy of your own room….

That Scottish dude who got caught having, uh, sexual relations with his bike in his hotel room? He’s been sentenced to three years of probation.

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Not clear whether he’ll have supervised visitation rights to continue seeing his bicycle.

It’s a sad day when Government feels the need to get between a man and his true love, even if this guy went all Flann O’Brien and got a bit literal about it.