Dirt Rag Magazine

Singlespeed USA invades Vermont

By Ryan Thibault, courtesy of MTBVT.com,

This year SSUSA crash-landed in the posh resort town of Stowe, Vermont. Under the cover of darkness the singlespeeders crept in and by first light they were amassed. What ensued was a siege that small town New England has not seen the likes of since the Revolutionary War.

"The single speeders are coming! The single speeders are coming!" cried the unsuspecting locals on the rec’ path as more than 180 costume clad cyclists streaked by trailing a jetstream of sweat and booze stink.

Here is the race recap in a nutshell: The pirates were the best-dressed aside from the unicorn. They made chase after the banana but the two 40-ounce beers the banana downed at the aid station coursed through his veins like nitrous oxide.

It appeared that the only racer equipped to catch the banana was the pierced nipple-sporting caveman in the skin-toned bibs. This proved not to be the case as a guy wearing tighty whities made quick work of the caveman.

The purple fairy was well dressed too. He gave the final climb his all but alas was defeated and overcome with emotion while taking a bath in the river near the finish line.

Oh, and a normal looking guy surprised everyone when he suddenly ate four Pabst Blue Ribbons. And by ate I mean he bit into them, sucked their contents dry, and ripped the remaining husks into shreds.

Plus there was Tequila…

Below is more incriminating evidence… I mean, photos. 

See you all next year in Minnesota!

 

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