Blast From the Past: Repair Tags We’d Like to See

In: BLAST FROM THE PAST, In Print By: Dirt Rag Contributor On: November 26, 2015

This humorous take on bicycle repair offers unique and creative responses to common mechanical problems.


Editor’s note: This contribution from GorillaNet first appeared in Dirt Rag Issue #72, published in May 1999.

Problem: Bike makes klunking noise.
Fix: Sat bike in corner, listened for two hours. No clunking noise noted.

Problem: Frame shimmies at high speed.
Fix: Tightened brakes, packed hubs & bottom bracket with sand. High speeds now much less likely.

Problem: Frozen link in chain.
Fix: Soaked chain overnight in water to thaw. All links work the same now.

Problem: Something loose in bottom bracket.
Fix: Something tightened in bottom bracket.

Problem: Headset rattles on downhill.
Fix: Replaced 26-inch front wheel with 700c so bike is always going uphill.

Problem: Frame makes “clank” noise.
Fix: Clank extractor on backorder from Taiwan.

Problem: Flat spot in rim.
Fix: Applied spot remover. Problem persisted. Flattened rest of rim to match.

Problem: Brake pads squeak.
Fix: Brake pads oiled.

Problem: Shock bottoms out.
Fix: Recommend lighter rider.

Problem: Titanium bars cracked on first use.
Fix: Recommend new helmet.

Problem: Nipples rattle on downhill.
Fix: Recommend smaller jersey.

Problem: Bike has trouble going up steep hills.
Fix: Recommend pressing harder on pedals.

Problem: Stem almost broken.
Fix: Stem almost replaced.

Problem: Evidence of hydraulic fluid leak on right fork stanchion.
Fix: Evidence removed.

Problem: Blew seal on four-week Alaskan tour.
(Hey, there are some even we won’t touch.)

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