Editor’s note: This contribution from GorillaNet first appeared in Dirt Rag Issue #72, published in May 1999.
Problem: Bike makes klunking noise.
Fix: Sat bike in corner, listened for two hours. No clunking noise noted.
Problem: Frame shimmies at high speed.
Fix: Tightened brakes, packed hubs & bottom bracket with sand. High speeds now much less likely.
Problem: Frozen link in chain.
Fix: Soaked chain overnight in water to thaw. All links work the same now.
Problem: Something loose in bottom bracket.
Fix: Something tightened in bottom bracket.
Problem: Headset rattles on downhill.
Fix: Replaced 26-inch front wheel with 700c so bike is always going uphill.
Problem: Frame makes “clank” noise.
Fix: Clank extractor on backorder from Taiwan.
Problem: Flat spot in rim.
Fix: Applied spot remover. Problem persisted. Flattened rest of rim to match.
Problem: Brake pads squeak.
Fix: Brake pads oiled.
Problem: Shock bottoms out.
Fix: Recommend lighter rider.
Problem: Titanium bars cracked on first use.
Fix: Recommend new helmet.
Problem: Nipples rattle on downhill.
Fix: Recommend smaller jersey.
Problem: Bike has trouble going up steep hills.
Fix: Recommend pressing harder on pedals.
Problem: Stem almost broken.
Fix: Stem almost replaced.
Problem: Evidence of hydraulic fluid leak on right fork stanchion.
Fix: Evidence removed.
Problem: Blew seal on four-week Alaskan tour.
(Hey, there are some even we won’t touch.)
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